Blessings....

It never ceases to amaze me, the blessings I have in my life.

Family
Friends
Opportunities
Open Doors
Numbers that just match up right

I am grateful for a Lord and Savior that watches over me, and family and friends that are instruments in his hands to bless me.

Thank you

A whole four years in Oregon...

As I finish my fourth year and begin my fifth I thought I would take a look back on my life in Oregon.

First I want to say how grateful I am for the many, many wonderful friends I have made in Oregon. There are way too many to list, but I feel very blessed. As was said in It’s a Wonderful Life, “No man is poor who has Friends”, so I have a wealth untold here in Oregon.

Second, I have had so many great adventures with these friends. Some of which I will list here, but sadly with age… my memory is starting to fail me. The many camping trips and hikes along the coast and in the Jefferson Wilderness Area, Mt Hood Area, Crater Lake, The Gorge. I will never forget getting lost on the mountain, nor those who came to get us the next morning.

Third, I have tried to enjoy many of Oregon’s many traditions. I will list a few. Annual Tree lighting, Peacock Lane, Fireworks over the river for the 4th, The Oregon Symphony on the water front, Voodoo Donuts, the many artworks down town.

Fourth the many life opportunities I have enjoyed experiencing. My dream job at the non-profit. The chance to be a loan officer and do sales one thing that scared me so much, and now the chance to go back to school. Season tickets to Broadway Across America.

It is fun to see how Oregon has changed me. I really do feel now that there isn’t anything I can’t accomplish, I’ve become a little bit of a “tree hugger”, and believe it or not become a little more conservative in my political beliefs.

Thoughts from Isle 7...

So I have seen one of my faults amplified through my job as a checker... yes that is right. For those of you that knew I had faults and are keeping track, you can add one more to the list, and for those of you who don't know me well enough to know my faults... well here is one.

I am a judgmental person. It is true. I have known this about myself for a long time, and I keep telling myself I need to stop it, first and foremost I shouldn't judge... but two I don't know people's background and circumstances.

I find I spend about 1/3 of my time at work shaking my head because of the healthy... or more likely to cross my mind unhealthy food people purchase. Or being disappointed in how they choose to spend their money... or more importantly my tax dollars, on junk food. I spend another 1/3 of my day telling myself that it is not my place to judge, and to stop thinking that about those people who buy 2 things of ice cream and 3 things of pop, with a healthy side of potato chips or pop corn on the side just to swipe their food stamps card to purchase it. Oh it kills me... See I told you...

Any way the last 1/3 is usually spent listening to gossip, or chit chatting with customers.

I struggle so much with this one for two reasons. It hits on two things that drive me crazy in life. 1st unwise use of one's money... or tax dollar... ie.. my hard earned money, and 2nd America's obesity issue. We could do better as a nation but we don't

I would be willing to bet America would be much heathier, and much harder workers if only the basics, friut, veggies, some meat products, and bread products could be purchased with food stamps. Two reasons. People who really couldn't afford food would be forced to eat better. Second those that really wanted the junk food would have motivation to work.

And since that kind of food costs less, we would save tax dollars. Sounds like a win all the way around to me.

K, I'm ranting. I have got to find a way to stop being so dang judgemental. Any suggestions?

Sometimes Music Just Says it best....

Natasha Bedingfield, Soulmate
Dido Do you have a little time
Nickelback, Gotta be Somebody
Dido White Flag
O.A.R Turn the Car Around
Kelly Clarkson, Already Gone
Dido, Here with Me
Natasha Bedingfield, Pirate Bones

Nope, waiting is the hardest part...

So I decided to pass it on...

Now I have to wait for a response...

I thought getting it on paper was hard, but it is the waiting that is the hardest...

Just going to keep busy... to the best of my ability... and wait, and hope.

Well it is all on paper...

Isn't it wonderful when you can take what is bothering you and put it all on paper...

And for a min it is all out of you, but now it is in your hand...

So what do you do with it now...

Part of me wants to hide it back inside. Part of me wants to destroy it. Part of me wants to let it go...

The question is what part of me will win...

Not going to become "That" person...

Growing up it always drove me crazy when you would ask adults how they were doing and how life was going that you would generally get the response. "Oh you know same old, same old. Nothing too exciting." I couldn't imagine not seeing the joy in the small things in life. I mean there has to be something to be excited for or a good story to tell.

Yet over the last few weeks I seem to find myself answering the question of how things are as same old same old. I realized I need to remember to find joy in the simple things, and look forward to life. Everyday. So...

What I was grateful for or most enjoyed about this week:

Monday FHE small groups got off to a great jump start this week. I was happy to hear that all four groups had a good turnout, and had fun.

Tuesday I got to hand out with a new friend, and get to know her better, while going dancing, which I haven't done in way too long!

Wednesday I was so happy to get a good handle on my school work. It really does feel good to be moving forward. Got to spend a few hours with Heather... can't beat that. It has been a long time since we just killed time.

Thursday... nothing needs to be said other than OFFICE NIGHT! Followed by some quality time with the roommate, which I hadn't seen Katie all week, and I do mean hadn't seen due to our crazy schedules.

Friday the annual halloween party at Aubrey's which I look forward to every year. Haven't laughed that hard in a long long time. So grateful for friends that can not only make me smile and feel happy, but make me laugh till my side hurts, and I can't help but smile.

Saturday, can't beat a good Cosco run with a good friend.

And what wonderful things do I have to look forward to this week...
Well tomorrow starts it off with dinner with the my favorite neighbors, Todd and Heather, and my new friend Angela will hopefully be joining... it has been way to long since we hung out.

I am greatful for getting scheduled over 20 hours before the week starts! Brings the stress level down several notches.

Tuesday I get to go see "Where the Wild Things Are" with two of my dear friends.

Thursday, I am looking forward to Office Night, and I even get to spend some extra quality time with the girls, because I have a test that night. Talk about trials and blessings coming together. Never knew I would look forward to a test so much. :).

Friday, there is a great themed party... mustash. :)

Saturday, I get to catch up with an old friend that I haven't spent quality time with in long time.

Sunday is my monthly dinner with a good friend. Oh how I love traditions! And yes I am now singing the song in my head.

I just want to say I love life, I love my friends, and family, and I hope everyone can find the joy in thier lives!

By Recommend....

Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it just explode?

Ariel recommended this poem to me after my post dream dream dream. Honestly I don't think I could have explained it any better. I wasn't referring to any one dream in particular, but several that had been on my mind. It has given me something to reflect on those dreams that I have put off, put away, or turned away from. Just thought I would share the poem for others that may enjoy something to reflect on as well.

Life is like Math... just that simple... or not

While working on my calculus homework today the concept finally clicked, and I was getting my exercises correct. I thought why can't life be as simple as math. I mean really. Give me a concept, theory, rule, or law on how to solve the problem. Then each problem has a solution.

Well then when I finished the section and took a brain break the real math nerd in me came out and I started to laugh because life really is just like math. Follow me on this for just a min.

As a child it is true every math problem you are given is quite simple and really does only have one right answer. 2+1=3. Always has been always will be. Just like life every problem had one right answer.

Then as we got older the problems become more difficult. It builds on what we learned before. Solve for 2x+3=11... x=4. Much like our lives. A few more options on how to solve "problems", but still generally just one answer.

Now as we have gotten older the problems get even more difficult... x^2-x-6=0, guess what there are two right answers!!! -2 and 3. Both true, but not equal. Which one to choose.

Then the worst problems of all. The ones with NO SOLUTION SET!!! That is right, how often do we find those problems in life.

Even better there are plenty of theories, a few rules, and really only one Law that will help with the problems of life. That is Christ.

Wow who knew what someone could think of while working on calculus homework. I guess everything... and I do me Everything points to Christ.

Thanks for reading, and yes I acknowledge I am a nerd.

It is wonderful to know I am not alone on this one...

I have have had a great sense of thankfulness, since I was 18 (when I was willing to admit it) that the Lord really is in charge of my life. I have loved seeing how the pieces all fit together. So often in life when it seems like none of the pieces fit together I feel lost, sometimes discouraged, and very alone. Then once I think I have determined what it is the Lord would have me do I then have to take a leap of faith.

Some times it has been a much more like a hope, skip, and a jump, and other times it has been a real leap of faith. Example my move to Oregon.

The thing is I am at one of those cross roads again in my life, and while I know once I get on the other side and look back, all the pieces will fit right into place, and I will be grateful for every bump and scrap that got me to the other side getting the courage to know which leap I should take and put all my faith into it so I can make the jump is still difficult.

I do want to say that I am grateful for my most recent experiences. Over the last year I have felt more lost, more unsure about myself, and less like I understand where my life is going, but at the same time I have never felt more support, love, and learned how the Lord speaks to me.

My weaknesses have been brought so much to the surface and I have never felt more humble about them in my life. I hope they will at some point be my strengths. I look forward to finding where I am to jump, and that I will have the faith necessary to make that leap.

All I can say is I am glad life isn't solely my plan, or it would be a mess from the beginning to the end. At least with the Lord, I know it has all made sense once, and at some point it will all fit together again. That is a picture I look forward to seeing.

Dream Dream Dream...

You know those goals that you set over and over again, but you really never move forward? What happens when you do? I have several that I have finally gotten to, and in some cases even further along in my life but now what? Don't get me wrong I can still improve in those areas and still want to, but for some reason taking that next step has been very hard.

Is it fear of success? Fear of growing up? Fear of the responsibility that comes with both of those?

It has really been on my mind for the past few weeks, so I thought I would throw it out there see what others might think.

arsenic isn't that bad

Study: tanning beds as deadly as arsenic

LONDON — International cancer experts have moved tanning beds and other sources of ultraviolet radiation into the top cancer risk category, deeming them as deadly as arsenic and mustard gas. For years, scientists have described tanning beds and ultraviolet radiation as "probable carcinogens."

A new analysis of about 20 studies concludes the risk of skin cancer jumps by 75 percent when people start using tanning beds before age 30. Experts also found that all types of ultraviolet radiation caused worrying mutations in mice, proof the radiation is carcinogenic. Previously, only one type of ultraviolet radiation was thought to be lethal.

The new classification means tanning beds and other sources of ultraviolet radiation are definite causes of cancer, alongside tobacco, the hepatitis B virus and chimney sweeping, among others.

The rest of the story can be found at http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20090728/EU.MED.Tanning.Beds.Cancer/

Anyway... I found this funny as last week I spent some time at girls came. There the water cannot be consumed due to high levels of arsenic... don't worry it is okay if you water has up to 10 particles of arsenic. It is considered dangerous at 50. The water at camp was over 200. :)

Don't worry we didn't drink any of it, or cook any food in it, but it was considered safe enough for cleaning dishes, showering, and doing laundry...

So for any of those out there that are tanners. Take it with a grain of salt. Just because there is arsenic in the water doesn't make it deadly... or does it.

hurry to grow up

So I was at work today, yes my new wonderful job at the deli, which I love!

Anyway...

I saw three boys between the ages of 8-13 walk by. One walked under a bag that had been hung for decoration, looking up, hoping he would bump into it, because he was that tall. Sadly it did not. He was about two inches short. So what did he do??? Hopped so it would hit his head. :)

Oh how badly we wanted to grow up when we were small, and what did our parents tell us? Enjoy being young while you can. Did we listen... did we ever listen? NO. So my thought when I saw that was oh what I wouldn't give up to be young again, and wanted to tell the boys to enjoy being young while they could. Funny how the world works.

Just thought I would share. Enjoy the moment you are in now.

Monday

Talk about learning to jump into life again. Today was day one of the new life and the new goal. For me I felt so lost. So much free time, or really I should say flexible time I didn't know what to do with myself.

Wish me luck as I talk my leap of faith.

That is right... Back to the student schedule

Yes it is true. I am up at 1:30 in the AM. For those that have known me for the last three years I have been in Oregon. This is not my style at all. But hey I want to live the student life. That means the crazy schedule too...

Not really. Don't count on it. It helps a great deal that I got most of today's and tomorrow's check list done today, and can sleep in. :) It is amazing what you can accomplish when everyone else is at work.

I have loved the whole day that I haven't had a job, but I could see this get old very quickly. Looking forward to a somewhat more structured schedule next week.

Oh for the Love of Change

That is right. The time as come for me to start a new chapter in my life. My plan... is to go back to grad school. I am going to get a masters in education. I am not sure what is my favorite part about this change.

#1 A fresh start. I love having a new start. A clean slate. Nothing that I should have finnished last week hanging over my head. A new chance to get it right. (This is why I like Mondays.)

#2 The chance to be a student again. To have a random schedule that varries from day to day. Where I can choose to take early classes, or go with late ones, and sleep in. (Lets be honest I'll be up early regardless.) Back to being able to wear jeans every day, carrying my life in a back pack, just having the simple life back. Yes I realize I am only remembering the good parts.

#3 I am quiting my job at Wells Fargo. This actually brings me the most happiness. Don't get me wrong. For the majority of the lst three years I have loved my job. It has been a good job, good company. I am just ready for a little less stress for a while, and a different type of stress.

Like most people I do have some adversion to change, but really it is just to small change. I don't like reorganizing furniture, or changing my route to work. Major overalls for my life I love! I know I'm crazy... best if you knew it too.

Wish me luck!

wanting to move foward, but looking back

So I lost something last year... something very dear to me and I am trying to move on, or more forward, or what ever it is we are suppose to do.

There was something great about it. It strengthened my need and desire to want to be a better person, friend, a better me. It build my helped to build my vision of self worth, and appreciate myself for who I was each and everyday. It made me smile.

Now I am living without it. I still think I am overall a good person. I am still trying to find the desire to be better, and the determination to make it happen.

I know I will find a way, I have before, but like always the new way is never the same. I will forever be change, and grateful for the time I did have it. If I could find a way to have it back I would do anything, as I have never been so whole in my life.

But I don't know that it is possible. So onward I go into 2009. The year that so badly I would like to see myself make the improvements, and the leaps froward like 2008, but I can't seem to stop looking back and longing for all I had in 2008, because I truly had the world.

Yea for Summer Fun

Yes I know it is not summer yet... but really I can't wait anymore. So today some friends and I went hiking. I thought I would share one of my favorite pictures from that hike.

I have had several great summers in the past, 2008 the most recent that I just loved. I find myself already wondering if this next year will compare at all to last year. I know I am setting myself up for disappointment going that route... but I still am.

I don't want to live in the past, and I want to enjoy each moment of this year as it's own, but I haven't seemed to be able to get there quite yet.

Any suggestions...

I really do want to make 2009 all it can be and more.

Currnet Economy

It has been a while since I have written, but thanks to the troubling market, increasing interest rates, work has slowed down some.

Along with that, I no longer have my position at Church to plan for the large group activities, so my schedule and my stress level have lightened a small bit.

I try to keep my political views more to myself rather than speaking out. I do enjoy educating others on political matters, and national news. What little I understand.
I first want to say I am sorry for anyone that has lost, has a family member or friend has lost, or are in fear of loosing their jobs.

I don't envy you in any regard, and hope that you are finding the help you need through your previous preparations, friends, family, and any religious affiliations you may have.
Now I want to pose the question of what now?

For anyone that knows me they know that I am a planner, and a little bit of a realist on the edge of pessimist. I have given a lot of thought to what I would do if I lost my job. I would like to share some of my thoughts in hopes that it might just help those looking to find a new job, fill their time, and keep their spirits high.

1st. Don't be picky about your next job. Do look for a job that will pay the bills. America is founded on those who are hard workers, that take pride in a good days work. It doesn't matter what that work may be. White collar, blue collar, pushing paper, or manual labor. Doing what you can do to the best of your ability to be self sufficient is one of the most satisfying feeling in the world. Once you have a job... then look for the one you want if you didn't land it with the new one.

2nd. Don't spend eight hours a day looking for a job. At some point it will no longer be quality. Do spend 2-3 hours a day doing quality searching, applying, and most of all follow up on possible jobs. This way you are making quality applications, you can remember who you talked to and can make a quality impression to those you meet with.

3rd. Volunteer some time everyday. Think about this for a min. If you volunteer for a school or state entity, you are spending time everyday networking with people, that may be able to line you up with a job. Second you are building skills that may help you find, and land the next job. Third you can show that what you have been doing with your time since you have been out of work. Finally you are helping your community. As the country, state, and city start to cut back there will be a much greater need for help, and you have the time, and skills needed to make a difference.

4th. Take the time to work on personal improvement. That can be anything from reading about topics that you are interested in, that may help with employment. Working out to build endorphins, and build confidence in yourself. Build on an old talent that you may have let pass by when life was filled with the 8-5 job. Music, sports, art. It again will help bring out the confidence in yourself. It also fills your free time so you can think of the positive.

5th. And most important a trust in God, that He knows the pains you are going through, and is there to help support you. You may never understand why, but you can take this as an opportunity to grow.

I hope those that read this will take it for what it is. My map and game plan in the even that I loose my job. And as my support to you. Knowing that I cannot fully understand your situation till I am there, but I am happy to help in anyway I can.
Best of luck as everyone works through the struggles of our current economy.