wanting to move foward, but looking back

So I lost something last year... something very dear to me and I am trying to move on, or more forward, or what ever it is we are suppose to do.

There was something great about it. It strengthened my need and desire to want to be a better person, friend, a better me. It build my helped to build my vision of self worth, and appreciate myself for who I was each and everyday. It made me smile.

Now I am living without it. I still think I am overall a good person. I am still trying to find the desire to be better, and the determination to make it happen.

I know I will find a way, I have before, but like always the new way is never the same. I will forever be change, and grateful for the time I did have it. If I could find a way to have it back I would do anything, as I have never been so whole in my life.

But I don't know that it is possible. So onward I go into 2009. The year that so badly I would like to see myself make the improvements, and the leaps froward like 2008, but I can't seem to stop looking back and longing for all I had in 2008, because I truly had the world.