wanting to move foward, but looking back

So I lost something last year... something very dear to me and I am trying to move on, or more forward, or what ever it is we are suppose to do.

There was something great about it. It strengthened my need and desire to want to be a better person, friend, a better me. It build my helped to build my vision of self worth, and appreciate myself for who I was each and everyday. It made me smile.

Now I am living without it. I still think I am overall a good person. I am still trying to find the desire to be better, and the determination to make it happen.

I know I will find a way, I have before, but like always the new way is never the same. I will forever be change, and grateful for the time I did have it. If I could find a way to have it back I would do anything, as I have never been so whole in my life.

But I don't know that it is possible. So onward I go into 2009. The year that so badly I would like to see myself make the improvements, and the leaps froward like 2008, but I can't seem to stop looking back and longing for all I had in 2008, because I truly had the world.

Yea for Summer Fun

Yes I know it is not summer yet... but really I can't wait anymore. So today some friends and I went hiking. I thought I would share one of my favorite pictures from that hike.

I have had several great summers in the past, 2008 the most recent that I just loved. I find myself already wondering if this next year will compare at all to last year. I know I am setting myself up for disappointment going that route... but I still am.

I don't want to live in the past, and I want to enjoy each moment of this year as it's own, but I haven't seemed to be able to get there quite yet.

Any suggestions...

I really do want to make 2009 all it can be and more.